June 1st. I now know why teachers complain so much in June despite the fact that an outrageous stretch of holiday time is just around the corner. It's actually something much more human than burnout (what could be more humanistic than that, you ask?),well since I am an expert on humanism and everything **ahem** I think the bedraggled complaints come from a place of sadness over not be needed anymore. I mean, while we are on the topic of honesty here (I know, we're not, but now we are), the truly inspired teachers are the ones who feed off the kid's energy and ride the roller-coaster with them. These teachers feed off of being needed, liked, wanted, admired, and challenged by their classroom families. As I see it, it's an ego boost, and not a bad one. This kind of ego boost gives us intention, unstoppable drive, and unconditional love for the communities we built all year. The trick is to not let it all go to your head and turn into a manipulative power-trip; especially in June, when the kids are checked out and have very little energy to give you.
I gave more "this assignment has stains on it, very few full sentences, and do you have a last name--because apparently on your essay you don't" lectures this week than I had given the whole year. My attitude all week was preposterous! I blamed it on Aunt Flo, the 35 degree classrooms, my diet, the smell of Spam, my excitement over going home soon, sad music, a lack of Youtube, finishing two great TV series' that I love (HBO's Big Love and The Office), running out of hot sauce, not having a coffee shop down the road, my desk mate's ability to check out and watch Oprah during the day, the wind, and my student's half-assed work.
My power trip this week was shameful. They look at me with big sad eyes, offer me weirdo Chinese snacks at the start of class, and try not to sigh too loudly when I keep flipping to the next PPT slide. I feel badly. I'm a monster! But I'm just sad because it's ending, my kids are tired and nothing shakes the classroom walls like it used to, and I have no idea how to make the roller-coaster go through some loopdeeloops, a stiff climb and then a death-defying drop. Do I bring them popsicles? Take them on a field trip to the local public squatter toilet down the street, maybe look at some chickens on the way? I don't have any answers yet, I just hope they can hang in there with me until the bitter end. At least I figured out the root cause to shitty humanism within teachers throughout June. I can check that off the list. Phewf...
I'm just a bag of mix&match emotions these days! My poor students...how I adore their sweet, funny natures.
xox
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