How I Retrived My Passport Without A Hammer To The Head

Ko Tao--

This is a rad little island where youngsters from all corners of the world come to dive, meet, talk, drink, eat, and dance early into the morning. It is a consistant hub of barefoot vagabonds looking to chill out and forget about the pressures of home or even the next stop on the travel itinerary. We've met a number of people from Englang, Ireland, Denmark, Norway, Austria, New Zealand and Australia; and each seems to ask the same question, "what are you doing later on tonight?" in a variety of ways. My answers become increasingly more creative depending on the level of English the person can speak. As much as I love Ko Tao, it is meat-central, and it takes some getting used to, especially with people being so forward while on the booze. I've had some good laughs at their expense. On a similar note--I keep getting chatted up by men over 50...this perplexes and entertains me to no end. I know I'm almost 26, but, come on. They do make great conversationalists in comparison to the young ones, I'll give them that.

Okay, so onto more important details of the week, let me begin by stating that I am an absolute idiot. We rented scooters a couple days ago, and without even second guessing my choice, I left my passport with the sassy little Thai girl who owns the company. What she failed to mention is that all the roads outside the town we are in are basically an off-road dirt biking track and many include inclines of like--70 degrees. I was driving alone and doing pretty well for the first 20 minutes, but then I lost momentum and kind of went off a small cliff...yeah. The bike was flipped over and comehow I managed to plant my feet and remain unscathed. Shockingly, there were only a couple small scratches on the bike, but I was all shook up, so I flagged down a local to help me drive the bike back into town. Naturally, the Thai was irate, and wanted $600 to cover the damage of the scratches. When I refused, we were in an all out battle over my passport. I decided to sleep on it and think of other options, all of which were entirely complicated. The next day we battled some more and I walked away sans-dignity again. In the end, I managed to barter her down to $300 in exchange for my passport but she was getting all sketchy and she wouldnt give my passport up until she had the money in her hand. I of course began to rage on the inside-which I'm sure showed in every inch of my face and she even offered me a hammer to hit her in the head with if she decided to run with the money and my passport into the back of the shop. Eventually, I found a Thai person from my hostel to do the exchange for me and I am happily holding my passport in my undies at all times, and thinking of all the other things I could have done with $300. Ce la vie.
Other than that, I went diving one day and pretty well decided to move to Ko Tao and become a mermaid...I've never seen more beautiful sights in my life, and I am not just referring to the ocean--the dive master was a total babe and had me tongue tied all day. Way to go, Crimmins. I could have cried when I saw this dark sea plant (maybe a plankton?) that had glowing neon lights all over the inside, I just wanted to crawl into it and have a onsie-dance party for the rest of my life!

We've also been on a Ko Tao 'Bloody Mary' search, wherein each day we try a new Bloody Mary (because Ceasars only exist in Canada), and even instruct bars how to make them for us if they are not on the menu! The best one yet is at this seaside patio called King Crab-it was almost the real deal and was paired nicely with a BBQed Blue Marlin kabob and potatoe. We celebrated Australia Day at this Aussie pub in town and danced our faces off with the most beautiful people with the worst accents. I put my personal distate for the Aussie accent aside and even posted their flag via temporary tattoo on my face.

Other than that, we've jumped on the European "football" train and I am avidly cheering for Blackpool at every game. It is my favourite place in England afterall, and when I inform the English of this fact, they all puke in their mouths a little and turn away desperately looking for a distraction.

Tomorrow we head to Ko Samui so tonight we are going to watch the fireshows on the beach and dance until we wanna die.

exes and ohs,
Mich

The City That Never Sleeps But Wants to Sleep With You.

Hello from Thailand-this place was built for criminals. But before I go throwing around discriminatory slander, I'll explain...
If you go to Bangkok, please note that Bangkok for four days is too much sleaze even for the best of us. I still really love the city itself, and the people are really happy and relaxed; however, we stayed on Koh San road and did everything on Koh San road, and that road is designed to attract all kinds of slimeballs-which was entertaining for two nights, but then it got old. The first night we managed to get into two fights with other foreigners and danced for free cigarellos. Word of advice-if you see a funny looking french guy who looks like puss in boots and you want to capture a photo of him without his permission, he will try to punch you in the face and steal your camera. Luckily, if you are on Koh San road, there will be older men who will jump in there and protect you and then buy you drinks. However, once you realize what the older men are actually after, you will have to flee quickly. At this point, if you happen to play a friendly game of pool with some nice boys from England, they might proceed to get really angry with you when you tell them you teach english in China. They will be appalled and tell you that you can't teach english because you don't speak the queen's english and they will proceed to tell you that all canadians are rum drinking indians. Then you and your friends will flip a few birds, spill a drink, and slink out into the sleazy Bangkok air. If you visit Bangkok-do go to the Mai Tai boxing match, but do not pay full price for seated tickets outside the ring, the place will be empty and you could have paid a quarter of the price for the same seats. If you go to Bangkok, do go see the Red Shirts protest, but make sure you wear red, otherwise people will not want you there. If you go to Bangkok, skip the pingpong show. It is shocking and sad and is much cheaper to hear someone's account of what really goes on with those crazy pingpongs and goodnessknowswhatelse being shot out of a young woman's privates. I can't even write in here what I saw or how I felt, just trust that I had a lump in my throat the whole time.
In short, Bangkok was much crazier than I anticipated and I'm not even sure what to suggest as the most important travel tip for Bangkok outside of "get a fanny pack while you are on Koh San road." You just have to see it to believe it-that place is the wildest place on earth. Holy moly. I'm still shell-shocked.
Time to scoot, tomorrow's entry is entitled: "When you are warned not to do something and you do it anyway-you should be shot: or, How I paid too much money to retrieve my passport."

exes and ohs
Mich

From Bangkok to Calgary

I have arrived safely in Bangkok for my one-month vacation. I have been here less than 24 hours and I am madly in lust with this city. It's January and 30 degrees during the day, everything is lush green and tacky gold. Thai people smile more than clowns and speak better English than the Chinese. I haven't put a single thing in my mouth that didn't taste like a thousand flavours kidnapping my 'buds in the middle of the night. I love this city. What really relaxes me are the people; all around me is a nonstop flow of eclectic hippies and travelors who look like they just woke up from the most dangerous Full Moon party. My synapses are firing at a dealthy rate. I know I sound like I'm on ecstacy, but I assure you I am as clean as a toot.
Today we hit Koh San Rd and the weekend market and purchased beachwears and lazy thrifts (I basically packed nothing in expectation for this shopping day). I also love that Chinese goods are sickeningly cheap, but Thai goods are half the Chinese prices, so I haggle for nothing. We enjoyed Thai foot massages and fresh fruit before hitting the Tiger beer. I want for not. Our hostel is bright, clean and trendy, I can't wait to come back to the Nap Park Hostel on our way back through mid-February. I can't wait to eat pad tai and pork skewers with peanut sauce at eleven 'o clock tonight! I really can't wait to get to Ko Tao Island and wear my new shirt that reminds me of Chad and says, "Ride That Shit," or my "Same Same" tank top that I know Sherah would love. I'm just crazed for this life!
Also, in preparation for my ever-impending future as a wandering career woman, I have also researched the Canadian International School of Bangkok. Wow wow wee wow...something to think about for 2012-2013 school-year! It would be the best place to teach, really: year-round weather greatness, cheap flights all over Asia, a flow of foreigners, cute clothes, adorable Thai co-workers, cheap beer, and tuk tuks.
So--who wants to get their ED degree and come with me? I can promise you a tan and some dancing, but beyond that I probably have nothing to offer you.
Keep life simple.

One that note, I need some watermelon and a nap.
Missin' you, and you, and you.
xox

Helen's thoughts

Today is exam day, which means tonight is marking night. For the written portion of the exam, my lil' gangstas had to write me a letter requesting that I give them 100% in the course. This was Helen's:

"Dear Teacher,
I'm Helen, your good student. I think you are a sexy woman. You always dressed up fashionable and thin. Even you have nose ring. You always laugh and give us fun talks, test, and task. Your music is funny. I like you. You powered my heart and my Itouch.
I always try my best to talk to you. And answered your questions in the lesson. You ask too many questions you know? It so good! I help you explain to other classmates. I finished my every task carefully. I just like to hit you to express close but you do not accept my poking the rib. If you give me high mark, I didn't too pride. I'm hard, so you can let me mark higher than Mary is okay. I'm sorry about I have many wrong place in this letter. Thank-you teacher.
Your lovely student,
Helen"

This letter is going on my fridge when I return to Canada, I don't care what my Mum says.

xox