hey lady's Finale

What I did this year

I left home and crossed an ocean in search of independence and adventure
I became close friends with some very unlikely people
I ate scorpion twice—and liked it
I drove a scooter
I crashed a scooter
I managed to have my passport held for ransom
I kissed some boys from other countries (tee hee!)
I started listening to club/dance music—and I like it.
I gave some kids confidence and taught them to use it
I climbed the Great Wall of China—twice.
I learned that no one else makes you happy—it’s a personal choice that takes work
I started wearing cute high-heeled shoes and boots everyday—and I look like a rock-star’s Mum in them! Go Mum-in-me!
I learned that ‘venting’ only increases my anger-so I shut the hell up for a change.
I learned that the best thing you can wear is your confidence, and the worst thing you can wear is a see-through dress in front of a projector screen.
I saw someone eat a snake. It was enthralling but sad
I learned that all people who travel are just looking for the next thing to anticipate—and that describes me—and I never knew that before—I thought I was content
I learned that communism looks really harsh-but it’s actually just capitalism with sharper traditional edges
I learned that you can lose it on your students when you have to, but as long as you show them you care and want to help them-they will love you ‘til death
Also, it’s okay to yell in the library and steal their food from their hands—next time, they’ll bring you a snack too!
I learned that I own and want too much, and though my salary is about 8 times larger than the Chinese English teacher that I work with, who essentially has the same job and works longer hours than me—what I make is still not enough and that is disgusting in my gut. How did I become so gross?
I turned 26 and I love being closer to 30! Really!
I realized that all these things and more take time and patience, so it’s MOST important to be good to yourself, good to those who love you, and good to those who need something ‘good’ in their life.

Thanks to everyone back home for their selfless support and love (and for keeping me in your 'loops'). I'm going to miss my best friends out here at Teacher Camp--I'll never forget the huge impact you had on me this year--it's so special to have family all over the world. Finally, I'm going to send a "good wishes" fire ballon over the sea and into the sky in Thailand next week for all my students who made this year so inspiring for me--you made my first year as a teacher so memorable and warm and I am indebted.

So here I go, ending a chapter I've worked so hard on and beginning a new one. But before I do, it's time to go back to Thailand with my Mum to help her with her own adventure. To leave this final blog on a high note, I'd like to share with you all something my Dad wrote to me before I went to Thailand last February (if you have a drink in hand, put it down):

Hi Michelle, thanks for the message..You are starting to worry me with your escapades in the far east!! please be careful of:

- giving over your passport to anyone for the luxury of a brief bit of fun!
- never give your passport to anyone not an "official" required to view it!
- dont talk to strange men......unless you want to go missing.
- keep an eye on your vital organs, they are worth a ton over there!!
- dont talk to strange (albeit charming) men!
- dont accept drinks from strangers!
- watch your drinks!
- never take your eye off your drink!!!
- dont accept drinks, rides, bong hits, etc of ANYONE!!
- keep an eye on your drinks!
- keep your guard up!
- keep your wits about you!!
- travel in septuplettes!!
- go to the loo two by two by two by two = 8!!

You are in a strange land...their turf...please be careful.

I love you, and want to see you again.....alive!!!!
Dad
xoxoxox


I come from good people; and I take them into my classrooms, my relationships, and my likes & loves.
Farewell,

xox
Micha

PS. Playlist: "Way Too Long" by David Myles

Drawing Conclusions

The most important week of the year has finally drawn upon our grade eleven students and teachers. Nerves are shot. Eyes are wide and slightly panicked. The halls are quiet and everyone is looking for some love. I knew this week would come, but I never imagined it would be this strange. My grade elevens are being tested on their reading, writing, listening and speaking skills so as to pass the infamous ESLA exam for their Canadian high school diploma. Without this pass, they can’t even apply to a university outside of China—and that application is the light at the end of the tunnel for most of them.

I know many Canadians struggle to get into university, but I didn’t. My friends didn’t either (not like this). I now see that it is a huge gift that we take for granted because we can speak English and we just don’t understand what that means to millions of non-English speaking people in the world who are struggling because of it. I’m not kidding—these kids fight every day to keep their hopes high, their grades up, and their ESL vocabulary memorable. I mean sure, to be fair, I do teach many students who are what we tag, “yes, no, toaster,” meaning-well-exactly. That is the extent of their English ability-and they could reach further and achieve more-but, to be just-a fair number of them also have undiagnosed learning disabilities that the Chinese education and medical system turns a blind eye to. The rest of them are just regular kids who want to play world of war craft and b-ball instead of studying something incredibly unnatural and difficult.

But I digress…the kids who are wide eyed and needy this week are the ones who cram 100+ new English vocabulary words into their brains each week, use their pocket translators more than their toothbrushes, and strive to have a conversation with me everyday-just to practice. They have big dreams of going to U of T, UBC, U of O, and York—all their family wants for them is to study in Canada and make something of themselves. Imagine having those shoes on your feet, except you are learning French or Spanish and have to leave a well overpopulated Canada in search for an overpriced education and underpaid job so that your parents can eat when they are old.

So when my students come to me before the speaking test this week, just looking for a smile, some words of confidence, or a huge hug—you bet I get emotional. Every so often I peak over the library walls and watch them being interviewed by a foreigner from Canada, my hands get kind of sweaty and I feel uncomfortable and excited. And then afterwards, they find me at my desk and they looked flushed and relieved, telling me the questions they were asked and how they responded—I just wanna whoop and holler like some ballistic mother at a soccer game.

At times I feel completely inadequate for this job-constantly second-guessing what I’m teaching and how I teach it. I wonder if I prepared them for this exam, and am I getting them appropriately prepped for university. I question whether I should be teaching from worksheets, and rule based grammar lessons more and lessening the ‘fun’ aspect of my classroom. In the coffee room today, I was commenting on this with one of my fellow teachers, she is from Newfoundland, retired, international teacher-older than the hills and wiser than we give her credit for. She pointed at the papers I had on the table and she says, “My dear, do you think they’ll remember any of this stuff you taught? Do you remember much of what you were taught in school?”
“No, not really. I could have worked harder I think, then maybe I would.”
“No…no…your wrong there (I love her style). They won’t remember a damn thing you taught them this year—but they will remember how you made ‘em feel. I had a student once write to me after he graduated, and he said, ‘Mrs. _____________, you were the only teacher that ever smiled at me.’ And I tell ya, that really kicked a hole in my bucket.”
No word of a lie—this really happened—and the woman gave me goose bumps and a massive lump in my throat. She went on to tell me that I have the makings of a great teacher, and the way I rail against the unfairness of the Chinese school system reminds her of herself at my age, but she had to learn to choose her battles, and one day I will too. I think she’s right. But earlier this week I discovered one of my students has severe dyslexia, and that’s why her marks have suffered so much this year. It’s June, people. I JUST discovered this. That was a low, loooooow point in my week. It ‘kicked a hole in my bucket.’

Anyway, to conclude, it’s a big week for everyone, and being reminded of how invested I am in my student’s aspirations and day to day choices is the most rewarding feeling I have had a in a long time. I really was meant for this job and I’m grateful to realize that.

PS. One of my students did a PPT about Vancouver for a project we’re doing, and misspelled Stanley Park and wrote Stanky Park instead. Another group of students did a PPT about Montreal attractions and one of them was “Homosexuality Paradise” with an arrow pointing at a subway sign. Gold!

xox

Mix & Match June

My last weekends are for exploring, touching, snapping, and purchasing. I feel in love with this city again this past weekend as I wandered through Hutongs and rode Rickshaws through narrow streets. I also miss being on a boat in Thailand. What adventures I have to reflect on--Oh! The places I went!











June 1st. I now know why teachers complain so much in June despite the fact that an outrageous stretch of holiday time is just around the corner. It's actually something much more human than burnout (what could be more humanistic than that, you ask?),well since I am an expert on humanism and everything **ahem** I think the bedraggled complaints come from a place of sadness over not be needed anymore. I mean, while we are on the topic of honesty here (I know, we're not, but now we are), the truly inspired teachers are the ones who feed off the kid's energy and ride the roller-coaster with them. These teachers feed off of being needed, liked, wanted, admired, and challenged by their classroom families. As I see it, it's an ego boost, and not a bad one. This kind of ego boost gives us intention, unstoppable drive, and unconditional love for the communities we built all year. The trick is to not let it all go to your head and turn into a manipulative power-trip; especially in June, when the kids are checked out and have very little energy to give you.
I gave more "this assignment has stains on it, very few full sentences, and do you have a last name--because apparently on your essay you don't" lectures this week than I had given the whole year. My attitude all week was preposterous! I blamed it on Aunt Flo, the 35 degree classrooms, my diet, the smell of Spam, my excitement over going home soon, sad music, a lack of Youtube, finishing two great TV series' that I love (HBO's Big Love and The Office), running out of hot sauce, not having a coffee shop down the road, my desk mate's ability to check out and watch Oprah during the day, the wind, and my student's half-assed work.
My power trip this week was shameful. They look at me with big sad eyes, offer me weirdo Chinese snacks at the start of class, and try not to sigh too loudly when I keep flipping to the next PPT slide. I feel badly. I'm a monster! But I'm just sad because it's ending, my kids are tired and nothing shakes the classroom walls like it used to, and I have no idea how to make the roller-coaster go through some loopdeeloops, a stiff climb and then a death-defying drop. Do I bring them popsicles? Take them on a field trip to the local public squatter toilet down the street, maybe look at some chickens on the way? I don't have any answers yet, I just hope they can hang in there with me until the bitter end. At least I figured out the root cause to shitty humanism within teachers throughout June. I can check that off the list. Phewf...

I'm just a bag of mix&match emotions these days! My poor students...how I adore their sweet, funny natures.

xox