hey lady's Finale

What I did this year

I left home and crossed an ocean in search of independence and adventure
I became close friends with some very unlikely people
I ate scorpion twice—and liked it
I drove a scooter
I crashed a scooter
I managed to have my passport held for ransom
I kissed some boys from other countries (tee hee!)
I started listening to club/dance music—and I like it.
I gave some kids confidence and taught them to use it
I climbed the Great Wall of China—twice.
I learned that no one else makes you happy—it’s a personal choice that takes work
I started wearing cute high-heeled shoes and boots everyday—and I look like a rock-star’s Mum in them! Go Mum-in-me!
I learned that ‘venting’ only increases my anger-so I shut the hell up for a change.
I learned that the best thing you can wear is your confidence, and the worst thing you can wear is a see-through dress in front of a projector screen.
I saw someone eat a snake. It was enthralling but sad
I learned that all people who travel are just looking for the next thing to anticipate—and that describes me—and I never knew that before—I thought I was content
I learned that communism looks really harsh-but it’s actually just capitalism with sharper traditional edges
I learned that you can lose it on your students when you have to, but as long as you show them you care and want to help them-they will love you ‘til death
Also, it’s okay to yell in the library and steal their food from their hands—next time, they’ll bring you a snack too!
I learned that I own and want too much, and though my salary is about 8 times larger than the Chinese English teacher that I work with, who essentially has the same job and works longer hours than me—what I make is still not enough and that is disgusting in my gut. How did I become so gross?
I turned 26 and I love being closer to 30! Really!
I realized that all these things and more take time and patience, so it’s MOST important to be good to yourself, good to those who love you, and good to those who need something ‘good’ in their life.

Thanks to everyone back home for their selfless support and love (and for keeping me in your 'loops'). I'm going to miss my best friends out here at Teacher Camp--I'll never forget the huge impact you had on me this year--it's so special to have family all over the world. Finally, I'm going to send a "good wishes" fire ballon over the sea and into the sky in Thailand next week for all my students who made this year so inspiring for me--you made my first year as a teacher so memorable and warm and I am indebted.

So here I go, ending a chapter I've worked so hard on and beginning a new one. But before I do, it's time to go back to Thailand with my Mum to help her with her own adventure. To leave this final blog on a high note, I'd like to share with you all something my Dad wrote to me before I went to Thailand last February (if you have a drink in hand, put it down):

Hi Michelle, thanks for the message..You are starting to worry me with your escapades in the far east!! please be careful of:

- giving over your passport to anyone for the luxury of a brief bit of fun!
- never give your passport to anyone not an "official" required to view it!
- dont talk to strange men......unless you want to go missing.
- keep an eye on your vital organs, they are worth a ton over there!!
- dont talk to strange (albeit charming) men!
- dont accept drinks from strangers!
- watch your drinks!
- never take your eye off your drink!!!
- dont accept drinks, rides, bong hits, etc of ANYONE!!
- keep an eye on your drinks!
- keep your guard up!
- keep your wits about you!!
- travel in septuplettes!!
- go to the loo two by two by two by two = 8!!

You are in a strange land...their turf...please be careful.

I love you, and want to see you again.....alive!!!!
Dad
xoxoxox


I come from good people; and I take them into my classrooms, my relationships, and my likes & loves.
Farewell,

xox
Micha

PS. Playlist: "Way Too Long" by David Myles

Drawing Conclusions

The most important week of the year has finally drawn upon our grade eleven students and teachers. Nerves are shot. Eyes are wide and slightly panicked. The halls are quiet and everyone is looking for some love. I knew this week would come, but I never imagined it would be this strange. My grade elevens are being tested on their reading, writing, listening and speaking skills so as to pass the infamous ESLA exam for their Canadian high school diploma. Without this pass, they can’t even apply to a university outside of China—and that application is the light at the end of the tunnel for most of them.

I know many Canadians struggle to get into university, but I didn’t. My friends didn’t either (not like this). I now see that it is a huge gift that we take for granted because we can speak English and we just don’t understand what that means to millions of non-English speaking people in the world who are struggling because of it. I’m not kidding—these kids fight every day to keep their hopes high, their grades up, and their ESL vocabulary memorable. I mean sure, to be fair, I do teach many students who are what we tag, “yes, no, toaster,” meaning-well-exactly. That is the extent of their English ability-and they could reach further and achieve more-but, to be just-a fair number of them also have undiagnosed learning disabilities that the Chinese education and medical system turns a blind eye to. The rest of them are just regular kids who want to play world of war craft and b-ball instead of studying something incredibly unnatural and difficult.

But I digress…the kids who are wide eyed and needy this week are the ones who cram 100+ new English vocabulary words into their brains each week, use their pocket translators more than their toothbrushes, and strive to have a conversation with me everyday-just to practice. They have big dreams of going to U of T, UBC, U of O, and York—all their family wants for them is to study in Canada and make something of themselves. Imagine having those shoes on your feet, except you are learning French or Spanish and have to leave a well overpopulated Canada in search for an overpriced education and underpaid job so that your parents can eat when they are old.

So when my students come to me before the speaking test this week, just looking for a smile, some words of confidence, or a huge hug—you bet I get emotional. Every so often I peak over the library walls and watch them being interviewed by a foreigner from Canada, my hands get kind of sweaty and I feel uncomfortable and excited. And then afterwards, they find me at my desk and they looked flushed and relieved, telling me the questions they were asked and how they responded—I just wanna whoop and holler like some ballistic mother at a soccer game.

At times I feel completely inadequate for this job-constantly second-guessing what I’m teaching and how I teach it. I wonder if I prepared them for this exam, and am I getting them appropriately prepped for university. I question whether I should be teaching from worksheets, and rule based grammar lessons more and lessening the ‘fun’ aspect of my classroom. In the coffee room today, I was commenting on this with one of my fellow teachers, she is from Newfoundland, retired, international teacher-older than the hills and wiser than we give her credit for. She pointed at the papers I had on the table and she says, “My dear, do you think they’ll remember any of this stuff you taught? Do you remember much of what you were taught in school?”
“No, not really. I could have worked harder I think, then maybe I would.”
“No…no…your wrong there (I love her style). They won’t remember a damn thing you taught them this year—but they will remember how you made ‘em feel. I had a student once write to me after he graduated, and he said, ‘Mrs. _____________, you were the only teacher that ever smiled at me.’ And I tell ya, that really kicked a hole in my bucket.”
No word of a lie—this really happened—and the woman gave me goose bumps and a massive lump in my throat. She went on to tell me that I have the makings of a great teacher, and the way I rail against the unfairness of the Chinese school system reminds her of herself at my age, but she had to learn to choose her battles, and one day I will too. I think she’s right. But earlier this week I discovered one of my students has severe dyslexia, and that’s why her marks have suffered so much this year. It’s June, people. I JUST discovered this. That was a low, loooooow point in my week. It ‘kicked a hole in my bucket.’

Anyway, to conclude, it’s a big week for everyone, and being reminded of how invested I am in my student’s aspirations and day to day choices is the most rewarding feeling I have had a in a long time. I really was meant for this job and I’m grateful to realize that.

PS. One of my students did a PPT about Vancouver for a project we’re doing, and misspelled Stanley Park and wrote Stanky Park instead. Another group of students did a PPT about Montreal attractions and one of them was “Homosexuality Paradise” with an arrow pointing at a subway sign. Gold!

xox

Mix & Match June

My last weekends are for exploring, touching, snapping, and purchasing. I feel in love with this city again this past weekend as I wandered through Hutongs and rode Rickshaws through narrow streets. I also miss being on a boat in Thailand. What adventures I have to reflect on--Oh! The places I went!











June 1st. I now know why teachers complain so much in June despite the fact that an outrageous stretch of holiday time is just around the corner. It's actually something much more human than burnout (what could be more humanistic than that, you ask?),well since I am an expert on humanism and everything **ahem** I think the bedraggled complaints come from a place of sadness over not be needed anymore. I mean, while we are on the topic of honesty here (I know, we're not, but now we are), the truly inspired teachers are the ones who feed off the kid's energy and ride the roller-coaster with them. These teachers feed off of being needed, liked, wanted, admired, and challenged by their classroom families. As I see it, it's an ego boost, and not a bad one. This kind of ego boost gives us intention, unstoppable drive, and unconditional love for the communities we built all year. The trick is to not let it all go to your head and turn into a manipulative power-trip; especially in June, when the kids are checked out and have very little energy to give you.
I gave more "this assignment has stains on it, very few full sentences, and do you have a last name--because apparently on your essay you don't" lectures this week than I had given the whole year. My attitude all week was preposterous! I blamed it on Aunt Flo, the 35 degree classrooms, my diet, the smell of Spam, my excitement over going home soon, sad music, a lack of Youtube, finishing two great TV series' that I love (HBO's Big Love and The Office), running out of hot sauce, not having a coffee shop down the road, my desk mate's ability to check out and watch Oprah during the day, the wind, and my student's half-assed work.
My power trip this week was shameful. They look at me with big sad eyes, offer me weirdo Chinese snacks at the start of class, and try not to sigh too loudly when I keep flipping to the next PPT slide. I feel badly. I'm a monster! But I'm just sad because it's ending, my kids are tired and nothing shakes the classroom walls like it used to, and I have no idea how to make the roller-coaster go through some loopdeeloops, a stiff climb and then a death-defying drop. Do I bring them popsicles? Take them on a field trip to the local public squatter toilet down the street, maybe look at some chickens on the way? I don't have any answers yet, I just hope they can hang in there with me until the bitter end. At least I figured out the root cause to shitty humanism within teachers throughout June. I can check that off the list. Phewf...

I'm just a bag of mix&match emotions these days! My poor students...how I adore their sweet, funny natures.

xox

Birthday Wish

Healthy Choices Don't Exist in Teaching-or-Why I Smell Unwashed

All my students have a MAJOR English language assessment on Wednesday and Thursday this week, which determines whether they are eligible for a Canadian high school diploma. People are stressing, and I am no sunny vacation sitting over here in my cubicle. I spent every available hour prepping them in the library, I am up until midnight still doing term 3 evaluations, and when my principal sent an email reminding our grade eleven team to relax, I could have cried. Haha!

I confess the last two weeks have been stress-filled, what with midterms last week and ESLA exam this week; which is probably why I have been stress-eating Ichiban noodle soup, and why I have fallen madly in love with the lead singer from The Strokes. I sent a drippy email to Chad this morning complaining about how love sick I am for this sketchy-lookin' dude, and I download music video upon music video just to watch him out of the corner of my eye while I am lesson planning.

Little Michelle in the back of my brain is warning me to implement some healthy choices to relax and unwind so I don't crack; but I'm still a first-year teacher and this really isn't the time of year to practice new career skills. So instead, I blog, I kick co-workers yoga mats around the office, and listen to terrible music (like Timbaland's 'Undertow').

Oh! Before I skip out on this blog, I met Helen's parents on Sunday afternoon and she was a riot as usual! She nearly tackled me when she saw me crossing the courtyard, and was complaining how her parents went inside the cafeteria where all the other students were and she was so embarrassed of them. Later, she introduced me to her mother and I commented how beautiful she was, to which Helen translated and then leaned in and said, "Yes, I think so too, but a little fat I think." Haha! The next day she told me how proud she was to have me meet her parents, and she was sorry for yelling at them in front of me. "That's okay Helen, I don't understand Chinese and it doesn't matter because Chinese people are always yelling at each other. Loudest people in the world."

Gotta go, thanks for listening.
PS. I love and dedicate this blog to my deskmate Jess-she is the best.

Happy Birthday Chad!

I Heart Nanliguxian and Pie, Always

I watched a live Improv showdown in Beijing last night and soaked up every moment-I think I was the loudest laugher in the whole room! 7 improv teams from around Asia (Tokyo, Korea, Shanghai, Beijing) came together for a weekend Improv showcase and I got to watch the round robin event. I thought it was so awesome because many of the teams were mixed nationalities, the whole thing was in English except for the occasional Chinese phrase thrown in there for giggles, and it was just really cool to see Asian performers jump the second language barrier time and time again in something as high intensity as improv. Outrageous!
The theatre was in this hard-to-get-to-as-a-white-person kind of place, so Jess and I were really lost, but when the show let out we decided to find some good on sticks for dinner, and wandered through the area. The area was called Nanluguxian, and it is hands-down my new favourite spot in Beijing. It's all cute little stores and boutiques, cafes, pubs, and clubs all set inside these teeny tiny Chinese Hutongs (which are very very small traditional Chinese houses with cool looking thatched roofs).The streets are cobbled and sometimes you catch the strong whiff of toilet outrage as you walk along the streets-but the place is rad! I can't wait to go back next weekend! I think I might even go there for my birthday in a few weeks! YeeYee! On another note, May is an fabulous month because next weekend I am going to an international/local music festival that features many great local bands as well as Avril Levigne (!!!), The Editors, Hot Hot Heat (!!!), and Ladytron. Actually, I am excited fro them all. It will be hilarious to see literally millions of Chinese teenagers rocking out to Avril-they abslutely LOVE her over here. They are OBSESSED with her. And in turn, I too have grown to appreciate the tattered and torn acoustic side of fair Avril. Go girl.
And this month of May also brings my 26th birthday, which officially means there are sections of H&M that I can no longer shop in, there are certain neons colours I should not wear unless I am crunk, it means I am a couger (yep-it does), and that my high school reunion is only two short years away. Yay 26. To celebrate, I have planned a day of rollercoasters at the Happy Valley themepark here in the city-it's like a smaller Disneyland and super cheap. Then, we are ordering pies from the pie shop to be delivered to a location and we are eating many kinda of pie for dinner. Pie for everyone. EVERYONE! PIE!

So I love what is to come in May. And I love Beijing Improv. And I need to work on my concluding summary-writing skills because I am setting a very poor example for my students: "To conclude, improv I like and pie very delicious. Go roller-coaster! You too?" Yep. I've got some work to do.

PS. Today I am going to a tailor to have some clothing made!!!
PPS. Tonight I am seeing a great band, The Radio Dept. from Sweden, in a teeny tiny club in Beijing. Stoked. STOKED!

Mich
xox