Heels and 'Hoes.

January has been a rigorous month; interns are scrambling to get back into the routinal ease of the semester previous, and struggling to create the most professional portfolio for the Education Hiring Fair. I have had other things to worry about, such as whether Horton the Elephant will be sitting in a large nest on a dolly or on scaffolding, and what kind of projects I want to do with my grade eights this coming April, and whether I should cut back on after-class drinks to save some money for a summer road trip home. So I sat out the Hiring Fair because it was primarily for the Atlantic provinces anyway, and I have it in my head that Calgary is utopia. But now, Calgary Board of Ed is coming to the Moncton Hiring Fair in February and I'm suddenly scrambling to develop the most professional portfolio along with the other burn-outs.

It's uncomfortable. It's braggy, and desperate. Beyond including a resume and references, I have to compile assignments and projects I have done with my students, reference letters boasting of my neat blackboard printing, and a Teaching Philosophy (dun dun duuun). I have about sixteen rough drafts of my Philosophy but I refuse to use any of them because I can't seem to find the most comfortable way to explain why I love teaching. I'm tossing out cliche statements like "innovative lesson planning," and "cutting-edge curriculum delivery," and even, "I want to make a difference." But none of it tastes right. I'm tempted to just write two words for simplicity's sake: Summer Holidays.

I'm concerned about two things: One, that my Philosophy will not stand apart, because I will have failed to truly invest in formulating why I feel I can live what I love in the classroom, and two, Im afraid that once I write it, I'll have to live it out each day and eventually burn out along with the other guppies. I mean, it's one thing to let down your co-workers, but it's entirely different to let down 30 kids. I'm still learning to spell properly without T9 or spell check! I look up grammar terms online constantly to make sure I'm saying things properly! I still do the bend and squeeze before going to school to make sure I wont cause young minds to stumble over their own awkwardness, and mine!

Maybe I teach for the rush. Perhaps I have become an adrenaline junky. I sure do like wearing heels and 'hoes these days. I really don't know. It's Sunday, I'm sleepy, my home is not large enough to wander through, and I just want to stand apart in my sentiments toward teaching. Man, I should really start a blog!